Angel and Assassin

She came to me,
Wings bloody,
Halo broken,
Soul taken

I asked her what was wrong,
I asked who did this,
I asked why she was still alive,
We sat together as one,
And she told me my story

She was my guardian angel,
My protector,
The one who made me happy,
The one who kept me sane

She helped me through the minor inconveniences,
Through small cries,
Through small prayers,
And I knew life would be good to me

But one day I saw her carry a blade,
And somehow I knew,
I was in for it
I never asked her why she carried it

It was on that day,
That my life shattered,
And I was better off killing my happiness,
Then living with it hopelessly

It happened to me again,
The eyes followed,
They were scared,
But I knew it would never stop
I accepted it

It happened again,
And again,
Until all I felt,
Was euphoria
Screaming euphoria
It was like tasting sweet poison
The sweet tang,
Then the bitter sting

I was floating,
After every overdose,
Of sweet poison
The deja vu visions came,
Panic overtook me,
He was here
And that’s how I met him,
My assassin

He fed me the poison,
And choked me with his bloody fingers,
I pleaded
I screamed
But no one heard me,
As the devil tried to drown me,
I let him

Then I woke up,
To gods prayers,
I spat at them,
They can’t help me now
They won’t
I’ve lost hope

My angel couldn’t bare seeing me in pain,
So she left me,
She left me for a day,
But tried to save me,
I knew she couldn’t

I was left laying there,
As he put his knife against my head,
And carved an X,
On my left side

After the overdose,
What could a knife do?
So I let it all come to me,
I was immune

After the day of hell,
I wondered what my angel was doing,
Was she praying?
Or fighting off my assassin?
Either way,
She was here with me

I sat with her after,
And tried to decipher,
Why he was doing this to me,
Why god isn’t answering my prayers

She didn’t say anything,
But put the blade on her lap,
It was covered in blood
Was it his blade?
She didn’t say a word.
She couldn’t

I screamed,
Why he did this to me
I shook her
Why did he do this to me

She left me
She left the blade on my lap,
I examined it,
Licked the blood,

I wondered why this happened to me
Why I was the one suffering
Why no one knew of him
Why I wasn’t better

Maybe if they would stab at my head,
I’d be all better,
That’s what they said
If they let the blood pour,
I’d be all better,
And he would leave

They told me,
If they’d call out to him,
He would come,
And I would be all better,
I’d be safe from him,
Safe from his reign

They’d have me lay there,
As he came,
And drowned me,
And cut an X on my left eye

They would try and restrain me,
But he he was the only one who restrained himself
It wouldn’t work,
As he held me,
And screamed his name into my ears

They’d pray as I shook,
And he’d just laugh,
Internally I would do,
And we’d harmonize
As he forced me to laugh,
Through the pain

And after the hell,
He’d leave me alone,
And I would return to the real world,
Look into their eyes,
And wonder if they felt any guilt,
Any worry

After that,
They’d lay me on the counter,
As if I were a corpse,
And begin their work,
To rid me of my assassin

They’d show my brain to the souls,
And they’d start carving,
As if I were meat
I guess they would be proud of their work soon

I lay there,
Dead to the world,
But inhaling fine,
Inhaling poison
Was he here?
Was he watching?

After I would awake,
They would stare at me,
My brain showed,
I wondered if blood still flowed

I smiled at them,
I smiled at the assassin,
In the back of the room

He was still here
He didn’t go away
He’s still in my head
They failed
They failed,
And now I’ll be in pain forever,
They felt no guilt

And that’s how I met my assassin,
That’s how they would get rid of him,
Or at least try,
A petty attempt to rid me of him

But he’s an assassin,
They don’t see him,
But i do,
I feel him,
I see him
And he’ll always be with me,
No matter what

Now I must learn to live with him,
To live with internal and external pain,
To live with a bloody blade on my head,
To live with screams of my past drowns,
To live with his name,
Carved into my mind

I’ll see you again,
In my nightmares,
In my thoughts,
In my eyes,
In my brain,
In my soul